coffeebarconfessions

Let me take you back to a time in my life when things were simple. I was young, healthy, unencumbered with true adult responsibilities and newly in love. It was the dawn of the new millennium and life was exciting and full of delicious promise and undiscovered purpose. It was New Years Eve 1999. The question looming on everyone's mind concerned computer algorithms and whether or not our world was going to come crashing in on us as Y2K flipped us into a new century. A century the computer programmers of the world apparently never thought would come. I had graduated from college that May and the month before started up a romance with a man I had been friends with for 2 years. A man I left behind when I moved from my college town back to Los Angeles after graduation. We quickly fell deeply and passionately in love over long nightly phone conversations and monthly weekend visits. Long distance will either make or break a relationship quite quickly, and this was one it anchored . Going ...

Yesterday I found out my low thyroid, which was thought to be a side-effect of the steroids, is something my doctor wants to treat me for. Never mind that the symptoms of low thyroid have been blaring at me; lethargy, sleeping A LOT, weight gain (not all my thyroid's fault, piggly wiggly!) and malaise. I thought I was just feeling the affects of coming off the Prednisone and the strokes had set my Fibromyalgia management back a bit. I am so used to living sick I did not even question my symptoms as anything other than my body's attempt to balance itself out. But I guess there is now one more medical diagnosis, or condition, to add to the mix. Awesome. And one more medication to add to the collection I already take. Wonderful. But this knowledge has created some sort of shift in my perception, my thinking, and today I find myself fightin' mad! I am annoyed with the super-intense pep talk my mother gave me this morning. I am irritated with the fact that everything I look ...

It is interesting how attractiveness of the female form varies with time, place and culture. In the 16th and 17th centuries, for example, "Rubenesque", or voluptuous women were considered desirable. It showed they had plenty and did not work hard for a living. Their full-figured plumpness reinforced their social standing, lazing around eating grapes all day, waited on hand and foot by servants. These days thin is IN! It means you have enough self-control to not indulge and place priority on your physical form, often obsessively exercising and dieting your way to perfection. Obesity is on the rise in America, but the pages of every fashion magazine and actresses that grace our TV screens tell a different story. We have come a long way from the "Twiggy" ideal of the '60's, but even those with some curves, the J Lo's and Beyonce's of our day, are tiny little women if put next to the rest of us! Fibromyalgia has done a number on my figure. I have a horri...

I don't know about you all but I sure indulged over the holiday weekend! I ate, drank and was merry for a rollicking 3 days straight. I ate cookies, cheesecake, chocolate and bread pudding. I drank brandy & eggnog, sangria, champagne and red wine (not all at once!). I ate pork shoulder, filet mignon, stuffed salmon and pretty much as much as I possibly could! I have not done yoga or walked the dogs in days. I had fun indulging and pretending there would be no consequences for my actions. Was it worth it? I don't know, the jury is still out. But I woke up this morning with a SPLITTING headache. Not a stroke headache, not to worry, but a bad one none the less. My body hurts, I am not sure what the word motivation means, or if I have ever even heard it before, and am in a post-holiday flare to rival all flares! I am tired, achy, whiny, lazy and...still in bed at 2:30 in the afternoon! I did manage to take Yorkie & Porkie out and feed them breakfast at least, but that is L...

Every year we say we are not going to do presents. Then it turns into a very limited budget for just a few close family. Then reality hits, you can't buy a decent present for less than $30 each, and the circle gets just a little bigger. Then before you know it commercial Christmas, like every other money-sucking year, has taken over and under the tree is overflowing with the cheer of goodwill and giving. The intention of gift giving is wonderful, and the joy is real. When you thoughtfully pick out a gift someone you love will love it feels good. But most of us will agree the intention has become excessive . Expectation rules the concept and there is too much importance placed on the gifts and not the joy of the holiday itself. Baby Jesus was a King, and the wise sages of the day brought presents to him to show respect and welcome him into the world. We celebrate this day because as Christians we are celebrating the birth of our Savior. As Americans it is tradition, like in most w...

Back in 2005 I was your average American consumer. I had been raised on modern medicine and had no reason to doubt it. When I got sick I went to the doctor, they assessed what was wrong and told me what to do; take pills, have surgery, get rest, what have you, and I got better. I never gave any of it much thought. Until I started getting strange symptoms in June of that year, that is, and a year later had yet to receive a diagnosis of anything . I had been to a slew of doctors, they had run every test under the sun and still no one could tell me what was causing severe fatigue, pain, stomach problems, cognitive and memory impairment and a slew of other maladies that were quickly overtaking my ability to live life. Once I became disabled and could no longer work the fire was lit under my fanny to figure this one out! I was only getting sicker and was relatively confident I was not going to die from this, but I could not live with it either. I was too sick. I could barely leave my house...

When I left the hospital in August, got the guts to go public with my blog and started promoting it on Facebook Fibro sites I was looking in one direction. I was looking to gain attention as a writer and hopefully score a book deal, magazine column, something along those lines. But the more people I met, the more stories I heard, the more heartbreak that was brought to my attention turned my focus from my original intention and I quickly converted into a Fibro Crusader! I did not know what to do, but felt a strong pull, a calling to focus my efforts on something that will make an impact on the actual day to day lives of my growing number of Fibro friends. The Fibromyalgia Crusade popped into my head and I had no idea what it was, but knew it was where I was to put my attention, direct my energy. It has slowly formed into a patient-united awareness campaign consisting of a support site on Facebook ( The Fibromyalgia Fun House ), a blog ( Chronicles Of Fibromyalgia ) and accumulating ...