Attitude Of Gratitude

A month has passed since I decided to re-vamp my dedication to my health in an effort to boost my immune system. I know this because I'm out of my anti-viral. The pharmacy contacted my doctor in Arizona for a refill, but my MD hasn't responded. Of course I should follow up with an email or call, but I'm not quite sure I want to stay on it. Plus I avoid doctors like the plague and don't want her to know I've moved until I find a new one. I've been better, not perfect, about juicing, and am taking more L-Lysine and immune boosters. I keep waiting for the wonderfully managed Fibro I had in Arizona to find me, but even doing all the aforementioned, it hasn't. Of course it took months to get there in Arizona, and I had no idea I would wind up in such a great place. In this case hindsight is only making me impatient, uptight, and altogether bitchy.

Sometime around 6 AM, three hours after I went to sleep, the switch flipped on inside my head. Oh yea, THIS is why I took the anti-viral! When I finally rolled out of bed around 10 I was grouchy and sore. Taking a walk in the unseasonable 87 degrees should've made me happy. Instead it reminded me I will most likely sit in my house all day like a hermit, and do very little to move my life forward. This reminded me all my problems from Arizona came with me to California, which is a depressing notion. I bargained my way out of contacting my doctor by deciding to double up on my immune boosters. But when I went to go add another bottle to my vitamin order shopping cart, it was backordered and unavailable. Seriously? This is a really big deal! The VICTIM siren started whirling hysterically around my brain. 

Am I forever destined to be live all my days at the mercy of this incurable illness? Why are so many wrenches constantly thrown in my path? I found another online source for EpiCor, at a better price. So I started comparing the rest of my vitamins and supplements. Then I got all mad, because this is a daylong project and I was supposed to be doing yoga, and hadn't had my coffee yet and was out of 1/2 and 1/2, and was hungry and wanted to eat, and remember I woke up grouchy, and... 

Why can't I just be happy? Even with my current tizzy of mindless whining, things have been a lot harder for a lot longer. No, everything isn't perfect, but with my constant need to reclaim as much of my life as possible, it never will be! That's the problem with being me. So I got up, realized how lucky I was to only have to walk half a block to get cream, marveled over how wonderful the sun felt warming my skin, and thanked God all these wrenches give me a chance to do better.

Thanks for joining,
Leah      

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