Goodbye Forward Progress

I'm on a quest to learn how to survive my life. The circumstances surrounding my reality are just plain odd. Fibromyalgia, as far as disease profiles go, is just plain odd. And learning how to coax the two, my reality and my Fibro, into a cohesive life where I can actually accomplish something, well, that seems to be the insurmountable challenge. I realized my first mistake was too much expectation. After so many years in the exhaustive push-crash cycle this illness knows so well, I found myself able to push and...keep on pushing. Juicing was my salvation! Whatever copious amounts of veggies I was drinking had a profound affect on my health. With amazement I spent a few solid months barreling down the road of forward progress. 

Then the train got derailed, as it frequently does, and for the life of me I can't get the damn train back on it's track! I'm determined, though. My biggest adversaries right now are expectation, anger and being uptight. And I really think the biggest one is being uptight. See, I have all these expectations for myself. Discipline is the only way I accomplish anything in life. However, discipline and expectation make me very uptight. Then I get all bent out of shape and angry, and start freaking out because so much of my life is out of my control. Well, I've had enough. I'm shoving Miss Uptight off the train and moving ahead without her!

When this flare started, a mere few days after my last one, I laughed. The only other option was to cry and freak out, so I decided to laugh. Whenever that angry, bent out of shape, victimized feeling rises up inside me, I take a deep breath and laugh. Sometimes it's masking tears, sometimes it sets me straight, but either way, I'm not crying and freaking out, so I consider laughing a success. I'm also augmenting my expectations, specifically where exercise is concerned. Getting up five days a week early enough to exercise in this hot weather is too much for this girl, and that's just the way it is. Est. So I'm taking Wednesdays off, and allowing myself to sleep in. I'm laughing, not crying, over the things I can't control. And I'm more determined than ever if I can't move my life forward right now, to hang on to the progress I got.

Thanks for joining,
Leah       

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