The Conundrum Of Good Intention
Last night I was hell bent and determined to get to bed before 2AM. Although it's not even Valentine's day yet, Phoenix is already warming up. This winter had me on a luxurious "sleep until 11AM and still walk or run with the dogs five days a week" schedule. It's been stressing me out horribly, to know if I want to keep up the exercise I have to get my routine turned around, or come April's 100 degree heat all my progress will melt away into utter oblivion. Of course good intention always has to marinade for a while with me, before motivation to change my evil ways finally sets in. In other words, I'm remarkably skilled at procrastinating until the very last minute that I am staring failure in the face. That's often, not always, but often when I will get my act together. So of course I try to go to bed early last night so I can get up before noon and exercise before it's too hot and...can't sleep.
By 3:30AM I gave up and started writing this blog, because I realized something profound. About a month ago I began doing back twists and side-bends in addition to my yoga routine. A week or so later I started getting all mad and bent out of shape over everything in the entire world, and I stayed that way for two miserable weeks. About a week into that two week rage consumption, I made the mistake of complaining to my husband about my lack of upper body strength. Well, let me say it loudly, Anger+Complaining=Be Ready To Get Advice! I got his opinion in the form of a convincing lecture, where he challenged me to not rely on the neck/shoulder problem excuse I always use to keep from doing push-ups, and just give it a try and see what happened. So obviously modified to a standing position, I did. Low and behold, my neck and shoulder are fine! But then last week happened. I broke out in horrible rash-hives all over my face, felt the painfully familiar flu-like symptoms invade my body, and had such a catastrophic meltdown over the state of my angst-filled misery, it's taken me a week just to catch my breath. Exactly the type of stuff that happened when I first started doing yoga, and when I first started running.
So what did I go and do today? More back twists and standing push-ups. Is this why I can't sleep tonight, the horrible rear of another Fibro-flare? The rash and boils on my face are finally calming down. I was feeling rather optimistic and positive, is that going next? And that's when the something profound hit me. Healthy people don't have to make this choice. They can start exercising and not release toxic levels of some unidentified disease into their system that consumes months of their lives. At most they get sore, tired, or won't feel all that great for a few days. I'm certainly not saying it's easy for everyone to just get in shape, but come on now. What a completely ridiculous price to have to pay.
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