Today Is A Rough One

Our best friends from when we lived in San Francisco are getting married this weekend. They are the one couple in our 10 years together where we ALL ACTUALLY REALLY LIKED EACH OTHER! This is quite hard to find. Not me tolerating some bimbo my husbands friend is dating, or he putting up with a nice guy he has nothing in common with my friend is married to. We all genuinely got along, hung out like three times a week and went on vacations together. They are awesome, Godparents to the Yorkie and parents of a wild Boston Terrier the Yorkie is best friends with, grew up with. We moved first and parting ways was hard on all of us. But shortly after we moved to Arizona they moved to Florida and that is where the wedding is taking place. And we are not going. Oh we had every intention but after my two strokes in July, my husband having to use up all his vacation to take paid time off to be with me and then my "retirement" from my job there is just no way we could swing it. Unfortunately paying rent was more important. Man it sucks being an adult sometimes!

They are the nicest people in the world and completely understand. I told them when I get my book deal we are taking them on a vacation and she promised to come visit me in her wedding dress. So I called the bride this morning while I was walking the pups to wish her a happy birthday (tomorrow) and wonderful wedding (Saturday). I wanted to touch base, just leave her a message that we are thinking of them and there in spirit before everyone piles into town and the hailstorm begins...and I started sobbing like a baby! I choked my way through the message and when I hung up it hit...and not just crying and teary-eyed, but big gasping blithering sobs with fat tears rolling down my face, wracking my body as I strolled through a perfectly pleasant residential community just beginning to stir for the morning. I sure hope no one was looking out their front window! Some crazy lady walking a Yorkie and a Porkie sobbing like half the world had just come to an end, for goodness sakes! I calmed down a bit, then when my mom called a little later started up again! I guess you can say I am a raw emotional nerve today and this is the cord that struck it...

My dear friend Fibromyalgia is coming back. We took a bit of a Prednisone "break" for a few months and that was its own kind of hell but I did enjoy the absence of pain, oh I sure did! I am slowly lowering my dose as my safe "no stroke" zone approaches and today was the first day the pain hit me hard. My S.I. Joint feels like there is a fireball in my left butt cheek that is radiating pulsing throbbing flaming licks up my back and down my leg right on beat with each heartbeat. It is all I can think about. Everything I do, every thought I have is secondary to the pain. Oh I know you all know so well. Its not like I had forgotten, exactly, but the brain does a wonderful thing to painful memories and minimizes their impact. Otherwise no woman would ever have a second child! I am tempted to curl up into a ball and feel sorry for myself, indulge in truffles and bicker fight with everyone I come into contact with. But this is life, this is real, this is for the long-haul. As we all know so well Fibromyalgia is NOT something that is just going to go away. So I resist the impulse to completely blow off my responsibilities and plot ahead. I am trying to be nice and not snap at my husband, yell at the puppies or throw my computer across the room. Its not the computers fault I am Abacus girl! I am faithfully working to further The Fibromyalgia Crusade and am even going to groom the dogs. I have to. I cannot succumb to the miserable bitter person Fibromyalgia wants to turn me into. I must keep my head, my humor, my focus on the cause. I did eat all of the truffles though.

Thanks for joining,
Leah

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